I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
