god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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