don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
