I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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