i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
