Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
