my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
