U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
