It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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