I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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