oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
