I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
