I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
