its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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