He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
