I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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