OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
