my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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