My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
