He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
