I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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