I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
