listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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