He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
whose parrot is this?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
