I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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