i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
