STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
