I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
