so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
