She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
