tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
