No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's like iHOP with fire
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
