i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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