Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I forgot wine drunk hurts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
