That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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