Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
