You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
