Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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