i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All I want is dick and wine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
