I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
