You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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