There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
