you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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