take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
