watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
