My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
