dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
