I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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