There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
