He felt like a one man threesome
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
