I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
