I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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