dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
