I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
