The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
