Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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