If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
